Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
