Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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