The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
