and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
