Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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