Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
