What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
