gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
