508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
