Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
