i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
