But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
