Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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