a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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