last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
