apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
