You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
