can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
