I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
