Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
