Having a random hookup so left but love u
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
