You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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