Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
