Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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