I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
