I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
