Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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