Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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