i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
