You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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