i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
