You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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