he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
