I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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