if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
