i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
