Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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