My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
