i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
