i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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