Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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