I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
