So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
