matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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