she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
