she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
