Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
