out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
