You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
