Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
