she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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