so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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