Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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