Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
