i just had sex bonerless
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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