Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
