Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
