My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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