And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
