I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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