bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
