you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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