WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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