sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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