I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
