Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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