I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
