You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
