I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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