She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
