Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
