I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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